Building Emotional Awareness
Early in my own therapeutic journey, I asked my therapist, “What do I do with all of these emotions?” They were difficult to identify and even harder to manage. They often come in waves, lifting us up, pulling us down, and swirling us around. Although they are an essential part of the human experience, some days we feel overwhelmed with emotions. Where do they all come from?
Primary and Secondary Emotions
Emotions can be understood as primary and secondary emotions. Primary emotions are the body’s first response to an event: the joy felt after winning a championship game or the fear experienced when the lights suddenly go out. They are hardwired into the brain, instinctual and innate. Primary emotions can be thought of as pure, and uncontaminated by thoughts or habits. Psychologist Paul Ekman theorized that there are six basic, primary emotions: anger, disgust, fear, enjoyment, sadness, and surprise.
Often what follows the primary emotion is a secondary emotional response, which in most cases is a learned reaction. Because primary emotions can feel tender, secondary emotions emerge to protect raw, vulnerable primary feelings. For example, when faced with loss, sadness ebbs away and merges with feelings of guilt; in relationships fear blends into anxiety; in parenthood joy becomes pride. These secondary emotions saturate and eclipse primary emotions with complex reactions and can influence behavior or fuel reactivity. Individuals act on secondary emotions when feeling overwhelmed or unsafe to protect their true feelings from being exposed. Sometimes this can develop into resentment, blame, or withdrawal.
Masking our difficult emotions and pushing them away can lead to issues of anxiety or depression especially if pure emotions are continuously buried and protected. Being vulnerable becomes challenging and sometimes people grow to believe that they should not feel difficult primary emotions. Reacting to secondary emotions can feel more accessible but it limits the opportunity to learn how to cope with difficult feelings. Learning to be connected and vulnerable with emotions allows individuals to learn about themselves and develop internal support structures while also connecting more deeply with others.
How to identify primary emotions
Tapping into your deep emotions takes time and self-compassion. There can be many layers of secondary emotions and ingrained beliefs to tease out and separate. Some ways to tune into your primary emotions are:
Body scan
We can connect to our inner world by noticing what is happening in our bodies. When you are feeling an emotion, notice what sensations arise. For example, when you listen to your favorite song, close your eyes and scan your body from head to toe. What are you feeling? Where in your body do you feel it?
Use an emotion wheel
Psychologist Robert Plutchik expanded on Ekman’s theory and developed a visual emotion wheel that illustrates the complexity of emotions that stem from a core of primary feelings. This is a useful tool for identifying and naming your feelings while expanding your emotional language.
Personal expression
Journaling your thoughts or engaging in a creative or active outlet (ie. dancing, playing an instrument, going for a run) can help you access the root of your feelings without trying to make sense of it. Engaging in a form of personal expression can help liberate the tangle of thoughts and feelings you experience throughout your day.
Find safe spaces
The process of gaining insight into your emotions can feel challenging. It is natural to feel resistant to being vulnerable. Find people you feel emotionally safe with, whether it is a trusted friend or a therapist. Practice having meaningful conversations with friends and lean into therapeutic support when you’re feeling stuck in complex emotional layers.
